Day 1 - continued

I miss her, not gonna lie.  I really do.  And it hurts.  There is so much pain.  At some moments, it seems to subside, lessens a bit, but then certain thoughts come to my mind and the pain rushes back with the same intensity as before.  No matter what, the pain is there, it never really goes away.  It just lingers until the next bad thought.  


If someone she meets in France asks her if she has a boyfriend.  I wonder what she would say.  Would she say no?  or Would she say yes?  I can only hope her answer is no.


It hurts, but all this is very humbling.  I harbor no resentment, only regret that I did not wake up earlier.  She must be sleeping so peacefully right now.  I hope I can be the one to make her happy again.  Is she happy?  Does she still need me?  Too many questions, too many thoughts of her, too many thoughts of a future that I cannot see.  I have never been this uncertain about the future before but YET never so CERTAIN about what I must do.  I have to do this for me, for her, for us.


It's so lonely right now.  I don't know if it's because it's late at night or what, but the overwhelming pain that was about to explode has now turned into some sort of a really really sad and melancholic pain.  My heart is yearning to have her beside me.  This pain doesn't want to explode, but it's sharp and it pierces right through.