Day 5
I spoke to her today again a few times, called her in the morning when I was driving to work and then we chatted a few times while at work. It's so strange, I'm super happy that the realization of what's truly important during those long 30 hours is still holding up. I remember I used to so incredibly anal about managing perception. Back in the days, whenever my sweet gf would call me, I'd have to try to make sure no one else was around (worried that people would think i'm spending work time w/ my gf). In retrospect, that's just ridiculous. Look, i'm not spending quality work time flirting with a new girl I met on a date during the past weekend, nor am i using work time to try to get together with a new love interest. I AM TALKING to MY GF, the woman i love who i want to take care of for the rest of her live. It's like talking to your wife. Hey, if you can't spare time to talk to your wife when she's got questions while you're at work, or you're at a point where there is nothing to talk about, then i feel sorry for you, just like i feel so sorry for the person that i was. I'm going to talk to my gf during work if she needs me. So yes, i picked up the call, nonchalantly walked to the kitchen area (where it's just in front of where MY SVP sits ) and just chatted, making sure that everything was alright in France. like i said, i'm gonna learn how to be a better bf. Which leads me to the next things i'm doing which is ordering a wireless router for her which she needs shipped to her address in France. I love amazon. Why? even though it's obviously cheaper to buy it in france, i don't need to pay the exchange rate or euro premium... Well i've told myself, one goal I have to be a better BF is that i should wake up asking myself everything what are the 3 THINGS that i can do today to make my gf happier. everyday i should have a target of 3, regardless of how small they are. some days i may not do all three, some days i'll do five, some days there may be a couple big ones, some day maybe small three ones... but regardless, i want to have the mindset of waking up and asking myself what are the few things i can do today that can make a positive impact for her.... same mindset i have when i get up to go to work... i'm hoping this can help me be a better bf... on a side note, i noticed that she is not very happy, i can tell in her voice... this makes me a little depressed. i fee l like i'm living on a high note because she has stated she is coming back to me, but at the same time, just by her voice, i can tell that something is different... is she tired from trying to get situated in a new place in france? or is it something more... i hope i'm overthinking but for some reason, her voice doesn't sound like what i'm used to hearing... almost as if she hasn't fully come back to me yet... almost as if i'm only partially in her mind and in her heart... and that there is something in between the invisible space between us. this worries me. i really hope i can make her feel completely comfortable in us again.